Dickens of a Christmas/Transcript
This article provides a transcript for an episode of Back to the Future: The Animated Series. It is intended to be used as a resource from which quotations can be easily located. The Transcript INT. Doc's workshop - Day Assistant voice: Activating broadcast. Begin, Dr. Brown. Doc is nowhere to be seen. Assistant voice: Dr. Brown? Doc: I'm down here. I'll be with you in one microsecond. Doc is underneath the DeLorean, and only his legs are visible. Doc: Yow! That wrench slipped right out of my greasy hand. Well, that's what I get for eating french fries while fixing the car. Assistant voice: Dr. Brown, it is time to commence transmission. Doc: The transmission?! Don't tell me that's damaged as well! It's times like these that I wish the car had never been invented. Of course, then I wouldn't have this time machine which allows me to go back to a time before the car was invented. One summer day, it was so extremely hot... INT. Brown residence - Day, 1991 Flowers wilt in the heat, and a thermometer explodes. Verne enters the kitchen, and steals a cookie from an Einstein-shaped cookie jar. As he prepares to eat it, it is taken from his hand. Verne: Man, those must be sugarless. Doc: Verne, I distinctly forbeared any more baked goods. You'll spoil your supper. Doc eats the cookie and goes back to work. He is attached to the ceiling upside-down. Verne: That stinks. Verne leaves through the door and passes Clara. Verne: Look out! Clara: Goodness sakes, Verne! Doc: Quite the harvest of prunes, Clara. Clara: They're plums. It's just so dag-blamed hot out there. Doc: Matched only by the temperature under your collar. Clara: And look at the mess you've made on that ceiling. Clara points at the footprints Doc's left behind on the ceiling. Doc: Just the grease from my magnetosandals. I'll clean up directly after installing this ozone-friendly free-on-free cooling unit. Jules enters holding an egg and a birdcage. Jules: I'm afraid it's already too late for my science project. The egg in my 'Which came first?' experiment is now hard boiled. EXT. Japanese city - Day A huge Godzilla-like dinosaur swipes at buildings as terrified crowds run away. The camera pans back to show... EXT. Hill Valley streets - Day It is only a holographic film, being projected from Marty's hoverboard as he rides along the road. Marty: All right, go for it! Marty approaches the Brown residence. Einstein looks out of an inflatable water pool to see Marty approaching. A victim of the dinosaur in Marty's film is interrupted by Einstein's face as Marty crashes into the dog, and through the door of the Brown house. INT. Brown house - Day Everybody starts arguing. Doc: Great Scott! What's transpiring here? We're at each other's tracheas! Marty: Yeah! And next we'll be going for each other's throats! Clara: Well, maybe if it weren't hot as the dickens... Doc: That's it! Mother has pinpointed the cause and the solution in one concise worn-out cliche! It's the heat. What we need is a little Christmas spirit. And I know just where to get it. EXT. London - Night, 1845 A carol group sings in the snow, when the DeLorean appears above the town. Carol singers: (Still singing) Not believing what we see.... The Browns and Marty have parked the DeLorean on a rooftop. ''Doc holds a photograph in front of the clothing converter. '''Doc:' Clothing conversion coordinates set! It flashes once, leaving them dressed in random historical clothing. Doc: Oh! It flashes again, this time dressing them correctly in Victorian clothing. Doc: Mmm. Jules: Father, might I look after the automobile keys? Doc: I don't know... I'm using grandpa Clayton's watch fob as a keychain, Julie. Jules: It's 'Jules'. And I wish to be regarded as a responsible member of the Brown family. Doc: Ah, son, you seem to grow older even when we go back in time. He gives the keys to Jules. Jules: And I shall guard the keys with my life, father. Clara: Emmett, come look at the view. Doc: Yes, it takes my respiration away. What do you think, Marty? Marty: Oh, I agree, Doc... Marty is actually looking at a young woman in the street below. Marty: Totally awesome... Aaah! Marty falls off the roof, but lands safely in the snow. EXT. London street - Night The Browns run out of an alleyway. Verne: Marty! Doc: What in the name of- Clara: There he is. Marty is inside a toy shop, where he has located the woman. Doc: Is he hurt? The woman slaps Marty and walks away. Clara: Only his pride. Jules: Father, observe the quaint mechanical play-devices. Verne: Cool! Doc: Why, they're colder than cool! These gadgets are ingenious! He sees a mechanical toy of Frankenstein's monster coming to life. Doc: Holy bovine! I had a similar plaything when I was but a lad. I must achieve a closer gander. Doc enters the shop. INT. Fedgewick's Toys - Night Doc: Most nostalgic. Fedgewick: Like that one, do you? Doc: I always have. Fedgewick: But I just constructed it last week. EXT. Fedgewick's Toys - Night A boy with ginger hair and a red top hat approaches Jules and steals the DeLorean keys from his pocket. He runs away. Verne: Jules! That punk stole the car keys! Jules: Great Scott! Verne: We better tell dad... Jules: No! This is my responsibility. Halt, you juvenile miscreant! INT. Fedgewick's Toys - Night Einstein: Woof, woof. Doc: Jumping jinglebells! We'll return straight away, Clara! He exits the shop. Ebiffnezer Tannen approaches the shop. Tannen: Well, Fedgewick, your time has run out. Fedgewick: B- b- but, Mr. Tannen... Clara: Tannen? It figures. Tannen: Your mortgage payment is one hour late. Hence, Ebiffnezer Tannen is foreclosing and sending you to debtor's prison. Fedgewick: No!! Ebiffnezer sees Clara. Tannen: Well, well... what have we here? Fedgewick: Leave her be! She's merely a customer. Tannen: And a right comely one, too... Clara: Don't touch me, you old buzzard. She pushes him back. Tannen: Take the wench as well! EXT. Streets - Night The pickpocket boy from earlier continues running, pursued by Jules and Verne. Jules: Regard the scoundrel! He ascended on these rickety stairs! Jules and Verne climb the stairs and enter the building. INT. Pickpocket hideout - Night Jules and Verne enter. Murdock: 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello... He approaches from the shadows. Murdock: And now it's time to say goodbye! Jules and Verne are tied up. Jules: Observe the bright side, brother. We have located the young ruffian who pilfered the DeLorean keys. The camera rotates to show that they are actually being suspended upside-down. Verne: Big stinkin' deal. Murdock hits his head on a wooden beam. Murdock: Bloomin' house! Reg: Sorry, Murdock. They followed me 'ere. Murdock: No bother... We'll get rid of 'em, same as the others. I just hope me neighbours don't complain again, about all the racket. Reg: But Murdock, they're just kids like me. Per'aps they could earn their keep - picking pockets? Verne: No way, Jose. Jules: Brother, it may be our only hope to recover the stolen keys. Verne: Yes way, Jose! Murdock: I don't know... you lads ever sneaked anything before? Verne: Uh, cookies? EXT. Fedgewick's Toys - Night Doc and Marty have been searching for Jules and Verne, but with no luck. They end up meeting right where they started. Doc: The boys have disappeared without a trace element. Marty: Hey, isn't this where we left Clara? Doc: For Peter's sake! Is this London or the Bermuda triangle? Einstein: Woof. Doc: Well of course I know it's a scientifically disproven concept. I'm merely using it for rhetorical purposes. I beg your pardon, kind carolers, but might you acknowledge of the toy shop owner's whereabouts? Carol singers: (To the tune of 'We wish you a merry Christmas') Although tis the Christmas season, the ..., the mortgage it was a reason, said old miser Tannen. Doc: Tannen? And what of the beautiful female customer? Carol singers: That lady, she was arrested, ..., his hand on her chin he rested, and she punched his ticket. Doc: Quite a spouse! And the boys? Carol singers: A thief picked the elder's pocket, chased off like a blazing rocket, the fob ..., but we might be mistaken. Doc: Keys to the DeLorean? I should have never given Jules that responsibility. Marty: Any idea where we could find this pickpocket? And lose the tune, bub. Carol singer: Okay, Mack. His name's Reg. And he 'angs out at the Hog's Head tavern. Doc: I must go after the boys myself. You find out about Clara! Marty: I hope you know what you're doing, Doc! INT. Debtor's prison - Night A warden is about to put the newest batch of 'criminals' (including Clara) into a packed prison cell. Warden: All right, you lot - ... the Ebiffnezer Tannen wing. You're lucky. Got a semi-private room! Nighty night! He closes the door. Clara: So, um, been here long? Old man: When I first come to this prison, I was wrinkled, had no teeth and drooled a lot. I was a baby! EXT. Tavern - Night Doc and Einstein approach the Hog's Head tavern. Doc: This must be the place, Einie. INT. Tavern - Night Einstein: Woof. Doc: Tough customers indeed. We best be on our toes. Those of us who have toes. Doc ducks under an incoming dart, which hits the dartboard behind him. Wilkins: Move it, move it! You're blockin' the target. Doc: Perhaps you could help me, good fellow. Wilkins: I doubt it! His dog growls. Wilkins: Oh, shove a sock in it, Crusher! Doc: Crusher? Wilkins: That's what he does to bones. Einstein growls at Crusher. Doc: Cease that, Einie. Wilkins: 'Einie'? Doc: Uh, that's what he sits on. Now then, kind, gentle, good sir, I'm seeking a young pickpocket with the moniker 'Reg'. Doc gives several bank notes to Wilkins. Wilkins: Perhaps I might be able to help you after all. EXT. Town Square - Night Murdock, Reg, Jules and Verne are in a crowded square full of shoppers. Murdock: Wonderful selection of merchandise! And all self-service at that. Here, give 'em a show, Reg. Reg: Back in a jiff, mate. Reg runs around the square and returns, his coat lined with pocket watches. Murdock: Oh, that's great, Reggie, my boy! All right, laddie! You're next. Verne: Okay. But under protest. Verne steals something from someone's pocket, but when he returns he is holding a sock. Verne: Here you go, boss. Murdock: Oh, even for a first try, that stinks! Verne: You're telling me. Pickpocket victim: Help, police! Jules: What now, Mr. Murdock? Murdock: Act casual, lad. But run like the martyr! They run away, pursued by police. Policeman: Halt, you hooligans! Verne: Maybe we'd better turn ourselves in! Jules: But we must retrieve those keys! Verne: 'Please father, let me hold them, I'm all grown-up now...'. Thanks, Jules... EXT. Debtor's Prison - Night Marty knocks on the door. Marty: Hey, did you hear? The queen just pardoned Clara Brown, you can let her go! Warden: Hold it, mate. Her majesty didn't pardon no Clara Brown! Marty: Oh? Then I'm not voting for her next election. Warden: Only one who can release these poor souls is Ebiffnezer Tannen! Marty: Does he let many people go? Warden: Let's see... In the last 25 years, there's been... none! Marty: Looks like I'll have to fast-talk Tannen myself. Warden: You're wasting your time, boy! That Tannen's a real Scrooge, he is. He is! Marty: Ahh... Scrooge...? INT. Pickpocket hideout - Night Murdock: Here, you boys scrub the floors while I lay down and rest my fender. The brains of this outfit is hard on the old noggin. Ouch! He is surprised to see Doc, Wilkins and Einstein standing there. Wilkins: Will you shut your silly gob? It's Wilkins. This bloke says he's a mate of Reggie's. Murdock: Reg! Reg enters. Reg: Yes, Sir? Murdock: Ever seen this bloke before? Reg: He's a stranger to me, Sir. Wilkins: Then he must be a ruddy copper! Doc: A copper? Heavens to Kepler, no! Murdock: Well, whoever you is, you're here to stay. INT. Tannen's house - Night Ebiffnezer is getting into bed. Marty: Ebbbbbbbbbbbbbifffffneeeezzzzzzzzzzzzer.... Tannen: Who's there? Who's there, I say? Marty: Ebbbbbbbbbbbbbifffffneeeezzzzzzzzzzzzer Tannnennnnn... Tannen opens the window to reveal Marty flying outside on his hoverboard, wearing a black cloak. Marty: I am the ghost of Christmas! Tannen: Er, past, present or future? Marty: Er, all of the above. I'm here to save your soul! Come on, big guy, let's bail! He takes Tannen and pulls him out of the window, and they fly over London. Marty: Please keep your hands and arms inside at all times. INT. Pickpocket hideout - Night Murdock and Wilkins are sleeping. Doc is also sleeping, but is suspended from the roof by rope. In the other room, Jules, Verne, Reg and Einstein are also sleeping. Reg: Pipe down. Verne: Hey, Reg. Reg: Yeah? Verne: How come your dad makes you sleep on the floor? Reg: Ha! Murdock ain't my old man. Matter of fact, I ain't sure I even got one. Jules: But Murdock takes care of you. Verne: Doesn't he? Reg: Oh, Murdock just feeds me and provides a roof. As long as I keep stealing watches for him. Jules: But that's against the law. Reg: I know. But it beats starving or slaving away in some juvenile workhouse. EXT. Workhouse - Night Marty: Here's our first stop, Ebiffnezer. A workhouse. Children are actually laboring on Christmas Eve. It really gets to you, doesn't it? Ebiffnezer is crying. Tannen: No, I just remembered an eight-year-old... who owes me sixpence!!!!! Marty: This may be harder than I thought. INT. Pickpocket hideout - Night Jules: Reginald! How would you like to remove yourself from this wretched place? Reg: Well that's a ducky thought. Why not make me the King of England as well? Jules: If you were to help us recover the stolen keys... They sneak over to a hidden compartment. Reg opens it and retrieves the keys, which he gives to Jules. Verne: You're so stinkin' lucky, Jules... Jules: Hush, Verne. We must be extremely quiet... father! Doc wakes up and hits his head on a ceiling beam. Doc: Oof! I see more stars than Galileo! Jules frees Doc, but Murdock wakes up. Murdock: The kiddies and the copper is getting aways! Wilkins: We've got to find a taller hideout! They both start chasing. EXT. Slums - Night A poor family eats their dinner. Poor person: ..., my dears... Marty: And now check this out, Ebiffnezer. No proper home and dinner is a few chestnuts. Ebiffnezer? Tannen is trying to steal the nuts from the poor family. Tannen: Gimme them nuts! They make me hungry. Marty: Hey, hey Tannen! Chill out! Marty grabs Tannen and flies away. Poor mother: Ooh, it was an angel... Poor person: Some angel. He's strewn my nuts all over... EXT. London streets - Night Doc, Jules, Verne, Reg and Einstein: Aaaaaaaaaah! They are chased by Murdock and Wilkins. Doc: The Hog's Head! Follow me! INT. Tavern - Night Cleaner: Sorry dearies, but we're closed. Doc produces a handful of bank notes. Doc: This should cover the damage I'm about to cause. Cleaner: 'Ere! Your shoes better be clean as a whistle! Doc: You four wait by the back door. The other run away. Wilkins and Murdock enter. Cleaner: I just bloomin' swept, you filthy-footed hooligans! Wilkins: Now where in blazes did they get to? Doc (from above): Excuse me, Mr. Wilkins, are you by any chance familiar with Newton's first law of motion? Wilkins: Er, didn't pay much attention to law in .... Doc is attached to the ceiling with his magnetosandals. Doc: A body at rest will remain at rest, while a body in motion... He pushes a stack of barrels, which roll towards Murdock and Wilkins. Doc: ...will remain in motion! Murdock and Wilkins are hit by the rolling barrels, which explode into pickles. Doc: Unless, of course, a body is acted upon by an outside force. Two policemen enter. Policeman: Blimey, Murdock and Wilkins! Wrapped up all Christmas gift-like, they are. Cleaner (to Doc): All right, you! I want them walls and ceilings scrubbed till they sparkle! INT. Tannen's bedroom - Night Marty: Oh, I give up, Tannen. I've shown you stuff that would make the Terminator cry! You're just not normal. The film projector, which has fallen off Marty's hoverboard, begins to play the movie of the dinosaur destroying the city. Tannen: What is this?! Marty: Oh, that's just... that's JUST what happens to people who live wicked lives, such as yourself! Tannen: Christmas ghost, I beg of thee: save me from this awful fate! Marty: Do you promise to free everyone from debtor's prison and clear all debts? Tannen: Indeed! I do so swear. EXT. Debtor's prison - Day The doors to the prison open and the crowd are freed. Clara, Fedgewick, and Fedgewick's wife stare in shock at Ebiffnezer, who is dancing and singing. Fedgewick: Mr. Tannen? Tannen: I vow to right all my terrible wrongs. And call me Eb. Ha ha ha! INT. Fedgewick's Toys - Day Doc: Friends and family, this is the bestest Christmas ever! All: Hear, hear. Clara: Especially considering that it's July. Fedgewick: And I want to thank you, kind sir. For introducing us to Reggie. Reggie: Not a bad present: a brand new family! Doc: Actually, it was Jules and Verne's idea. Verne: Well, we figured he can work in the store instead of pickpocketing. Doc: Boys, when it comes to things that count, you're definitely all grown up. Ebiffnezer enters. Tannen: Happiest of holidays! Anyone care for a fine Christmas goose-- Marty: Uh, how's it going, big guy? Tannen: You're no Christmas spirit! Marty: Well, not technically... Tannen: I'll cook your goose for this! He chases Marty out of the shop, but falls into some sticky pudding. Carol singers: about how he fell into the pudding EXT. London sky - Day Carol singers: We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas... Doc: And a happy new year! Verne: You mean happy old year. It's 1845! Doc: Not for long! The DeLorean flies and time travels. INT. Doc's Workshop - Day Assistant voice: Dr. Brown? Science journal entry is now proceeding. Doc: London. Every summer, we still return to spend Christmas with our friends. And Reg is getting along tip-top since giving up his days of pickpocketing. Stealing is an unfortunate human characteristic. You don't see that kind of behavior in the world of physics. There's no stealing energy. Don't believe me? Access video encyclopedia section P, for pendulum. Assistant voice: Section P, entry: Pendulum. Doc: This bowling ball pendulum will demonstrate the difference between potential energy and kinetic energy. When the pendulum is pulled back like this, that's potential energy. But when we let go of the pendulum, that's called kinetic energy. It's a law of physics, that kinetic energy will never exceed potential energy. In other words, it's not possible for one of these energy forms to steal from the other. Let's hope not! For this guy's sake! Here goes! Bill Nye drops the bowling ball, which swings to the other side of the room and comes back, just missing his face. Doc: That was a close one! Let's see that again! Wow, it just goes to show physics laws are strict! You can't steal anything! Kinetic energy, or the energy of motio-- Assistant voice: Dr. Brown, time has expired. Doc: Oh hell, that's the brakes. Oh, wait, wait, that's the clutch... whatever... thus concludes our notations regarding energy... He has stretched so much that his legs are underneath the car but his torso extends through the dashboard. Doc: Whoa! I think I've overextended myself this time. Good thing this is a stretch DeLorean! At any rate, I'll see you in the future! Category:Transcripts